National Best Friends Day: Grieving the “Family We Choose”
June 8th is widely celebrated as National Best Friends Day—a day usually reserved for lighthearted tributes, brunch photos, and gratitude for the people who know our secrets and finish our sentences. But for those who have lost their “person,” this date can be a jarring reminder of a profound, often misunderstood silence.
In our society, we have established rituals for the loss of a spouse, a parent, or a sibling. But when a best friend dies, the mourner often finds themselves in a specialized kind of limbo.
The Weight of “Non-Kin” Loss
There is a common misconception that grief is dictated by bloodlines. However, the bond between best friends is unique because it is entirely voluntary. This is the “family we choose.”
When a best friend passes, you lose your primary witness—the person who remembers your awkward teenage years, your first heartbreak, and your private jokes. Because you aren’t “immediate family,” you may find yourself:
- Excluded from private family funeral arrangements.
- Expected to “get back to normal” faster than a biological relative.
- Feeling like an outsider in your own mourning process.
This is often called disenfranchised grief—grief that isn’t openly acknowledged or socially supported. It is important to remember: The depth of your pain is a reflection of the love you shared, not your legal relationship status.
How to Support the Friend Who Lost Their “Person”
If someone you love is grieving their best friend, they are likely feeling adrift. Unlike a widow or a grieving child, they may not be receiving the same influx of casseroles or check-ins. Here is how you can show up for them:
- Validate the Relationship: Avoid saying “They were just a friend.” Instead, acknowledge the gravity of the loss. Phrases like, ”I know they were your person, and I’m so sorry for this world-shattering loss,” go a long way.
- Be the Memory Keeper: Ask them to tell you stories. Best friends often hold the “unofficial” history of a person’s life. Giving the mourner a space to share those stories helps keep that person’s spirit alive.
- Acknowledge the Secondary Losses: Losing a best friend often means losing a social circle, a travel partner, or a daily 5:00 PM phone call. Recognize that their entire routine has shifted.
- The “Chosen Family” Outreach: If you are the biological family of the deceased, reach out to the best friend. Including them in rituals or giving them a small memento can be incredibly healing.
Honoring a “Chosen” Legacy
If you are the one mourning today, take a moment to honor that bond in a way that feels true to your friendship.
- The Living Tribute: Plant their favorite flower, visit “your” spot, or donate to a cause they championed.
- Write the Unspoken: Write a letter to them. Tell them about your day, the things you missed sharing, and how you’re carrying their legacy forward.
”A best friend is the one who steps in when the rest of the world walks out.”
This June 8th, we hold space for those whose hearts are heavy. Whether bound by blood or by choice, love is love, and loss is loss. How are you honoring your “chosen family” today?
